Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
I find myself going through a bit of depression. With the passing of my grandmother two weeks ago today, I still refer to her in the present tense and then realize my mistake. And I start to ask myself, is it OK to do that? My dad and I started a tradition with my grandparents before she died by taking lunch out to them every Friday. Some fridays my grandpa would actually cook. And for those of you who know my grandparents, I think my grandpa could give my grandma a run for her money in the kitchen. lol Anyway, my dad told my grandpa that we would like to keep this tradition, but instead of bringing him lunch we would take him out to eat. A different restaurant every week. So when we went to pick him up, it was hard to not see her sitting there next to him. He seemed like he was doing OK. We did end up taking some of her clothes so we could take them to Good Shepherd at church. For me, I think it would be the hardest being in that house alone after being married for 59 years.
This leads me to my next topic, loneliness. I know I've talked about this before, but sometimes it's just overwhelming. A sense of loneliness that doesn't seem to go away even when around people. I'm not sure what to do with that. Is this something that is normal? Is this something that will eventually go away? Is this something that can be fixed?
Being out here in North Carolina, I thought would help a bit with the depression. Being with my best friend and all the crazy laughter that ensues when we are together. But, I just feel like I'm being a party pooper and not wanting to go hang out with her friends. I'm sure they're amazing people. I'm at a point right now that I don't want to be around crowds of people. And that totally sucks!!
Anyway, life goes on. And will go on with a smile on my face whether I like it or not.