Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Life and Death

Life and Death...

I found out this afternoon that the son of a family friend who has been fighting cancer for the past year past away last night. This is hard because Caleb, was only 11. He has three brothers and his parents have been going through a LOT as well. Kim, the mother, had breast cancer and is now fighting Colon Cancer. She actually had emergency surgery last night as Caleb passed away. So, it's definitely a horrible ordeal for this family. They've just been through so much. 

Losing a loved one to cancer, disease, an accident, or some other reason is hard. I've have two friends who are cancer survivors, one friend and a grandmother who are fighting cancer this very minute, family members who have passed away from heart disease, cystic fibrosis, Parkinson's disease and a stroke. It's hard seeing them suffer through chemo, radiation, memory loss, hair loss, the pain, the fatigue, etc. I just can't imagine not knowing the outcome of all the pain and suffering. 

It doesn't come easy even after you know they probably won't make it through. Losing them in the end is still hard. I'm not sure what it's going to be like when I lose my grandmother. We are really close, and she's been battling this for the past three/four years and it doesn't get any easier. It's hard to see her so frail and tired, as I remember playing baseball with her when I was younger. I thank God that she's made it this long. I was afraid that she wouldn't make it until I got back from England, and here it is 2 months later and she's still here, even though she is fading fast. She is literally the strongest woman I know. 

We take life for granted. We wish we could do this and that, or complain that life sucks. When in reality, we have it pretty good. Decent health, a beating heart. It's the Feltwell Crew motto that always comes to mind when I think of things like this. "Seizing Every Opportunity" is a vital part of living your life. Because you never know when your last day might be. 

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Frustration, Close to Tears

"There will be no tears. Something will happen. Do not cry." 

This is what I've been trying to tell myself for the past month. I don't know if this is my punishment for waiting too long to start looking for jobs, or if I don't look that great on paper, or if this is something I'm not really supposed to be doing. I've applied to 11 openings that I have found, and have only had one interview, which I have heard nothing back from. I keep trying to tell myself that a lot of schools don't really hire anyone until closer to the beginning of school, but who am I kidding? 

I haven't had an emotional breakdown yet, so no worries there. But, come August 1st and nothing, I can't promise anything. lol 

I've also applied to teach English with CBF (Cooperative Baptist Fellowship) in South Korea, but who knows what will come of that. I probably have to be certified in TESL, which I'm not and it's a bit pricey on top of my certifications for teaching here in OK. 

So, I sit here talking to my friend Jill, and thank God for her! Love you Jill!!!! As I look down at my typing fingers and the ring on my thumb, I'm reminded to have 'Faith'. Faith that something good will happen. Faith that I won't be living with my parents until I'm 40. Faith in God. 

Oh, and I have to take the OPTE again. ARGH!!! Could my life suck any more right now?!?!?! 

No it can't...because...I'm off to New York City on July 27 for a few days with my parents. My 5th time there, and I'm still SUPER excited!! Dad is taking me to a Mets' game, and it's going to be FREAKIN' AWESOME!!! David Wright, here I come!!! haha Hopefully, being there will help me keep my mind of not having a job...EEK!!!!